Happy Mother’s Day!

May 11, 2009 at 10:18 am (Baby, Family, Parenting) (, , , )

Mother's Day 2008

Mother's Day 2008

Mother's Day 2009

Mother's Day 2009

What a difference a year makes!!! Last year Alexis was just over 2 months old on Mother’s Day.  She was still a little blob who didn’t do a whole lot.  This year however a whole different story.  She is a person.   A walking (somewhat) talking person!  I think in the year between my first and second Mother’s Day I have gained a different understanding of motherhood and what it really is.  It’s no longer only being caretaker – feeding, changing, bathing, etc.  It’s still those things but so much more.  Now that Alexis says Mama and looks for me and comes over to me.   I’m not just the person who takes care of basic needs, I’m Mama.

There is also the aspect of being a daughter and granddaughter who is now also a mother.  Instead of only celebrating my mom and grandmother, they are now celebrating me!!

Mother’s Day has always been special to me but now it has new meaning.

So to all the wonderful mommies, mommies to be, mommies in spirit, and anyone else – Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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How can I have another baby?

October 9, 2008 at 9:09 pm (Baby, Family, Parenting) (, , )

Ok, no I am not pregnant b/c I’m sure that’s what people will think when they see the title.

Ok, now that we have that squared away.  I don’t mean physically have another baby.  My pregnancy was relatively smooth and my delivery was quick and easy(ish).  What I mean is how can I have another baby when I already have a baby?  I know I know…huh?  Before I had a baby I always thought that I wanted “kids”.  Kids were an abstract term,  I didn’t really have a frame of reference.  There was no attachment.  Now that I have a kid, I can put a name and a face and emotions with that term.  At least when it comes to one baby.  Now, when I think of having another baby, it’s in the same abstract way that I once thought of any babies?  Following along?  So, there is no attachment or connection to my as-yet-conceived second child.  Although there is to my first born.  So, I almost feel resentment or guilt at taking away from her.  I feel that I would be dividing my attention, and it doesn’t feel fair to me.  She is so important to me and I want to do everything I can for her, so bringing a younger sibling into her life, when she never asked for it just seems like I’m cheating her.  I know of course (again abstractly) that I would love this second child as much as I love Alexis and I also know that she would love her little brother or sister.  But for right now, I just can’t imagine it.  Maybe part of that comes from the fact that I’m an only child and I really enjoyed being an only child!

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