Why did I win the fertility lottery?

May 6, 2009 at 10:00 am (Baby, Family, Friends, Parenting) (, , )

There are things in life that are not fair, I know that.  Fertility seems to be one of those things.  It was extremely easy for my husband and I to conceive Alexis.  We decided to start trying and boom! pregnant first month.  I never had to experience the let down of negative tests, the month after month of disappointment.  I had the usual nerves during my first trimester but everything was fine.  I don’t know the heartbreak of losing a pregnancy.  I don’t know what it feels like to have to “un-tell”.  I am grateful and lucky.  My daughter is perfect and beautiful.

However, many of the closest people to me have a different experience.  At least 5 of my friends had to see fertility specialists in order to conceive and some still have not been able to.   Countless others have lost pregnancies.  There is no reason for this and it’s not fair.  Why did I win the fertility lottery while they struggle?  I feel guilty around them because I don’t know how I would feel if i were in their shoes.  I don’t know if I would be able to be genuinely happy for my friend who so easily has something that I have wanted and can’t have.  They are all strong women and deserving of motherhood.  I only wish it were as easy for them as it was for me.

I know there are no answers to this and I know that they would not wish their struggles on me.  I guess it just gives me something else to be grateful for and that I should count my blessings because things could always be different.

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2 Comments

  1. mellymelb said,

    This is a question I have asked my self very, very recently. What makes me so special that I have my little girl when my sister does not? There is no answer that is going to make us feel better but luckily our friends and family love us and are happy for us no matter what their siuation is. The added plus is that they love our children, too.

  2. Marce said,

    Don’t think “why did I win the fertility lottery”, just think that this is the way is “supposed to be” and enjoy beautiful Alexis. It’s not fair for you to be feeling this way, you should always be very happy and thankful for being able to experience this inexplicable love I hear so much of…. You are truly blessed my friend.

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