How can I have another baby?

October 9, 2008 at 9:09 pm (Baby, Family, Parenting) (, , )

Ok, no I am not pregnant b/c I’m sure that’s what people will think when they see the title.

Ok, now that we have that squared away.  I don’t mean physically have another baby.  My pregnancy was relatively smooth and my delivery was quick and easy(ish).  What I mean is how can I have another baby when I already have a baby?  I know I know…huh?  Before I had a baby I always thought that I wanted “kids”.  Kids were an abstract term,  I didn’t really have a frame of reference.  There was no attachment.  Now that I have a kid, I can put a name and a face and emotions with that term.  At least when it comes to one baby.  Now, when I think of having another baby, it’s in the same abstract way that I once thought of any babies?  Following along?  So, there is no attachment or connection to my as-yet-conceived second child.  Although there is to my first born.  So, I almost feel resentment or guilt at taking away from her.  I feel that I would be dividing my attention, and it doesn’t feel fair to me.  She is so important to me and I want to do everything I can for her, so bringing a younger sibling into her life, when she never asked for it just seems like I’m cheating her.  I know of course (again abstractly) that I would love this second child as much as I love Alexis and I also know that she would love her little brother or sister.  But for right now, I just can’t imagine it.  Maybe part of that comes from the fact that I’m an only child and I really enjoyed being an only child!

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3 Comments

  1. Melanie said,

    i totally hear you. i was always sure i only wanted one child, but then sometimes i think it would be great for Zoe to grow up with a sibling like I did…. then I see people with 2 kids and think HOW do they do it!? Zoe gets so much attention from me, if I had another, how would I know who to give attention to when!? I just can’t even imagine how I would juggle it. One and done, it is!

  2. MellyMelB said,

    I get it, totally! I have friends who are pregnant with #2 and feel an enormous guilt at forcing their first child to share that attention with a yet unknown baby. They have often wondered if there is enough love for both and how on earth they can love someone else the way that they love “their baby”.

    I get excited at the thought of adding to our family while at the same time I get apprehensive for my DD. Its so strange. But I guess its like everything else right now – always worse for mom and dad than the actual event or change is for baby.

    I guess (we) will know when it happens. For now, just enjoy Lexi until you think she could benefit from a sibling…

  3. Jenn said,

    We’re sticking strong to the one and done. Especially since the pregnancy was so easy, the labor & delivery was so smooth and after his little hiccup, he has been a pleasure.

    I can’t imagine introducing number 2 to the mix. Three cheers for only children!

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