No, this is no x-rated.

I was thinking the other day about how different Valentine’s Day has become.  When I was little, my dad would always get me flowers and a gift.  I was always his Valentine.  He would bring home a dozen roses for my mom and a single one for me.  I loved it.

Then in high school it was always about putting things on lockers.  Balloons, cards, etc.  I would decorate my boyfriends locker and he would decorate mine.  Walking through the halls was like a big circus of red and pink mylar!! It was fun and exciting!!

Then in my early 20’s it was all dependent on whether I was dating someone.  If I was – then I was concerend with dinner reservations and what he was getting me.  If I was single – then it was boycotting the holiday by drinking with my other single girlfriends.  I think I had more fun the years I was single!!!!!

Now, married and a mom- it’s almost an afterthought.  I feel so old, but I hate going out to dinner on Valentine’s Day.  I don’t want to wait and have to choose from a limited menu and have crappy service from a waiter who is trying to hurry me out.  Alexis is still too little to be excited about any holiday, so that’s not fun yet, maybe next year?   As for our plans – well I guess we’re going to grill some lobster tails and have a nice dinner at home, exchange some small gifts.    I know it’s supposed to be about celebrating your love and call me cynical but after being together for 5 years (5 years!!!) it has lost some of its pizzaz.   Since we live together and are married, it’s different than when we were dating and it was a special night to be together and be in love.  Ok, I am cynical.

Don’t get me wrong – i love holidays and I will wear my shirt with the heart on the front and my heart earrings on Saturday b/c that’s just me.   I guess what I’m trying to say is that the anticipation is not the same.  Although I really do like lobster tails

*Update* My husband read this and was offended b/c he felt that I was ignoring him and not acting like I was in love.  So, for him let me clarify, yes I am in love and will celebrate that.  What I mean is that things change through the years.  And it has become a comfortable love, instead of something new.   Not bad,  just different.

Marc is off on another trip, this one is short he comes back tomorrow night – very late though (after midnight) so I’m alone for 2 days.   I knew when I married him that he traveled for work a lot, so its nothing new to me.  After becoming a mom its a lot more difficult being alone.  I really look forward to him coming home from work so that I can get a break even if it’s only for a short time.  So having to be a single parent for 2 full days is exhausting!! I definitely find things to do to occupy myself and I do get out of the house, but it’s still just me.  If Alexis wakes up in the middle of the night, I can’t poke him and ask him to go check on her, that’s my job.

Then of course there’s the totally irrational fears I have.  I will preface this by saying I lived alone for 4 years before I moved in with Marc – 2 years with a roommate and 2 years with just my cat! No alarm and I lived in a duplex so I didn’t even have the “security” of a building with lots of people.  I never minded it.  But I think I’ve become accostomed to having someone around.  So the nights when Marc is not here, I hear every sound and jump at shadows! It’s totally unlike me.  But I can’t help it.  We do have a great alarm system which I turn on.  We live in a gated community and have off-duty police that patrol our neighborhood, so by all accounts I’m safe, but I still feel safer with someone else around!! So I know the next evening and a half will be a bit anxiety-ridden.

Lest you think it’s all bad though, there is an upside.  I like the peace and quiet.  There is the tranquility of being able to do whatever I want and just sit and read a book or watch my TiVoed shows.  So, it’s not awful and I do enjoy some alone time, just not at night!!!!