Alone again
Marc is off on another trip, this one is short he comes back tomorrow night – very late though (after midnight) so I’m alone for 2 days. I knew when I married him that he traveled for work a lot, so its nothing new to me. After becoming a mom its a lot more difficult being alone. I really look forward to him coming home from work so that I can get a break even if it’s only for a short time. So having to be a single parent for 2 full days is exhausting!! I definitely find things to do to occupy myself and I do get out of the house, but it’s still just me. If Alexis wakes up in the middle of the night, I can’t poke him and ask him to go check on her, that’s my job.
Then of course there’s the totally irrational fears I have. I will preface this by saying I lived alone for 4 years before I moved in with Marc – 2 years with a roommate and 2 years with just my cat! No alarm and I lived in a duplex so I didn’t even have the “security” of a building with lots of people. I never minded it. But I think I’ve become accostomed to having someone around. So the nights when Marc is not here, I hear every sound and jump at shadows! It’s totally unlike me. But I can’t help it. We do have a great alarm system which I turn on. We live in a gated community and have off-duty police that patrol our neighborhood, so by all accounts I’m safe, but I still feel safer with someone else around!! So I know the next evening and a half will be a bit anxiety-ridden.
Lest you think it’s all bad though, there is an upside. I like the peace and quiet. There is the tranquility of being able to do whatever I want and just sit and read a book or watch my TiVoed shows. So, it’s not awful and I do enjoy some alone time, just not at night!!!!
