When did I become a mom?
Was it when I was pregnant? When Alexis was born? Or some other time? Well, I guess technically I was a mom when I got pregnant, when I started doing things for the yet-to-be known human growing inside me. I changed the way I ate, what i drank, medicines I took, and I was always a bit more careful with my actions. Once I found out I was having a girl, I was able to connect more and really begin to “see” the baby. Then when Alexis was born and it was a real baby, a baby I could hold then I really was a mom. I had to sign papers that said so!
But I really think it happened later than that. The first few weeks are crazy. I had no idea what I was doing. I was feeding and changing like I was supposed to. I would pick her up when she cried, but I really didn’t know what to do. I had no confidence, when she cried I had no idea why she was crying, I was guessing. She thrived and got bigger and did what she was supposed to be doing so I guess I was doing things right. But boy I was not sure back then. I could not look on that time with the perspective I have now and think it will get better, things aren’t always this crazy. So, recently I realized that I’m a mom. I know what I’m doing. I’m confident in my decisions. I have gotten Alexis to sleep through the nigth sucessfully. I have gotten her moved to her crib from her bassinet and I got her to nap in her crib when previously she would only nap in her swing. I make decisions based on my knowledge of my daughter. I don’t feel like I need to ask my mom / friends for their approval on whether I’m doing things right. Not that I don’t still ask b/c I still like having advice from those who have been there. I know what I’m doing is right. When Alexis cries these days, I can *usually* tell why – hunger, tiredness, grouchiness, etc. Not always of course, but more often than not. Alexis has become a central part of my life and I can’t remember before she was around! Now, I feel like I’m a mom, not just someone with a baby. She knows me, looks for me when I’m not around. I’m sure it’s different for everyone, I ‘m sure there are some who feel like the minute they find out they’re pregnant. But for me, while I loved her from the moment I knew she existed, I didn’t feel like mom until later!
kimmiebr80 said,
August 12, 2008 at 4:29 pm
awwww….. very nicely written
it took me quite a while to feel like a mom. I definatley didn’t feel like one when I got pregnant. I can almost say that it didn’t ‘click’ until they called me mama. Before that, it almost felt like I was living someone elses life and looking through their eyes. Weird, I know.. and probably a little ppd or just overwhelemed related, but it’s the truth. I definatley feel like a mom now, though!
Melanie said,
August 13, 2008 at 9:06 am
I can totally relate, Leanna! It never seemed real until she was here, and then the beginning was such a blur of diapers and bottles, I was like a mom robot! Now that i “know” her and she “knows” me, I really feel like her mommy! Every morning when I get her out of the crib and she smiles at me, it’s like, yep, mommmmmmy is here! I totally get what you’re saying!
mellymelb said,
August 13, 2008 at 12:44 pm
The part about not feeling like you need advice to know what to do anymore is so true. I feel like, “I got this” and though I still like POV and (and get them whether I ask or not) and still get stumped enough to ask (trust me, it will happen) I still feel confident enough in my decisions to know which way to go and to know its the right decision.